«I open up a big cabinet, and I have a collection of helmits. I put on the different helmets, and I take tree bottles of Robitussin and drink them really quickly. Then I set my hands on fire-I have to write whatever comes to mind pretty fast, before my hand burnsoff.I just let whatever comes out, comes out without thinking about it to much. Some of it I keep, some I toss out, some of it I turn into giant cigarettes and somke 'em. I think everybodu should just turn off their TV machines and make up their own songs about whatever comes to mind-their couch, their friends their loaves of bread. Everybody's got their own songs. There should be so many songs out there that it all turns into one big sound and we can put the whole thing into a pickup truck and let it roll off the edge of the Grand Canyon.»

«Continental people have sex-lives; the English have hot-water bottles»

«He chopped up peppers, mixed them with vinegar and Avery Island salt, put the mixture in wooden barrels to age and funneled the resulting sauce into secondhand cologne bottles.»

«In the day of our king the princes have made him sick with bottles of wine; he stretched out his hand with scorners.»

«And no man putteth new wine into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new bottles.»

«Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades, or loose the bands of Orion? / Canst thou bring forth Mazzaroth in his season? or canst thou guide Arcturus with his sons? / Knowest thou the ordinances of heaven? canst thou set the dominion thereof in the earth? / Canst thou lift up thy voice to the clouds, that abundance of waters may cover thee? / Canst thou send lightnings, that they may go and say unto thee, Here we are? / Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart? / Who can number the clouds in wisdom? or who can stay the bottles of heaven, / When the dust groweth into hardness, and the clods cleave fast together? / Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion? or fill the appetite of the young lions, / When they couch in their dens, and abide in the covert to lie in wait? / Who provideth for the raven his food? when his young ones cry unto God, they wander for lack of meat.»

«And when the inhabitants of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done unto Jericho and to Ai, / They did work wilily, and went and made as if they had been ambassadors, and took old sacks upon their asses, and wine bottles, old, and rent, and bound up; / And old shoes and clouted upon their feet, and old garments upon them; and all the bread of their provision was dry and mouldy.»

«GEOLOGY, n. The science of the earth's crust --to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: The Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones or mired mules, gas-pipes, miners' tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.»

«Don't put new wine into old bottles»

«How many pens are broken, how many ink bottles consumed, to write about things that have never happened»